Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
