Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
