yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
