I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
