I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
