omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
