i dedicated my morning wood to you.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Randomize
