we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
