we made out on top of his cat.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
