New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Did I show you my penis last night?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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