rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Less talking, more tequila
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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