I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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