My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
