yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
