So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
