Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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