The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
