girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
