Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
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