woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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