Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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