I met the friendliest cop last night
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
