i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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