I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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