the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
