alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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