I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
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I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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