but the lizard people decide everything anyway
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
