What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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