Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
