Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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