Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize