omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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