The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
