why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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