hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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