never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
