I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
