Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
