Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
