corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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