You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
