Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
