soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
