The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
