At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Holy shit dude........stairs
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