i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
