All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
