yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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