My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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