based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
