he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize