It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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