I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
