apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
