nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
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He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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